What to do when you’re low

Which is now for me. It’s early morning. I awoke at 5:40 am.

It’s a normal morning. Sunny, summer. Birds loudly proclaiming the dawn. Family asleep. I am in no danger. All is well.

And yet.

I’m overwhelmed with the prospects of the workday. Hungry, with the prospect of no food until noon–by design, because I am practicing 16:8 intermittent fasting. Sad. The melody and lyrics of “Wait a Minute” echo in my head, over and over. Fear for my relationships with my wife and children. Is anything wrong there? No. But I am afraid. They are thinking about me behind my back. They don’t love me. Something bad might happen to them. They might abandon me. Fear of bankruptcy. Is anything wrong there? No, work is fine. Fear of old age. Hey I’m healthy now. Ridiculously so.

Binoculars and rear view mirror. Imagined resentments for events that never happened and never will.

And yet.

First, make a cup of coffee.

Second, read. Meditations. I open it to Book 8, but anywhere is fine. And any book is fine. Let the universe deliver something.

Stay away from the web. It’s all political hate and vapid virtue signaling. Addictive for me either way–to reinforce “look how much smarter I am than those fools”. Hah. How often have I seen my opinions and beliefs to be . . . mistaken. 😀

As part of the reading, a sentence jumps out. A little “Hmmm” or “Aha” resonance echoes through my brain.

Now I am talking to God instead of talking to myself.

Stay with it. Read a bit more. Maybe write in my journal. (Hey, that’s happening right now!).

Now have a shower and get dressed. Walk to the train and ride to work. Remember Anderson’s admonition to be a zombie. Talk to God as I go. Notice every time I look at something or someone with judgment and consciously acknowledge that I judged in that moment. (Actually, I am aware of maybe 2% of these judgments.)

What else am I going to do? Sit at home in my underwear, amped on coffee, nearly weeping with self-pity? “How are you?” “I’m fine” I lie. Am I going to do that?

No. One day at a time. One moment at a time. In this moment. Talking to God.